Filing Day


Written on the day I filed for Social Security Disability (SSDI)


It is here

I’ve dreaded this day

Never thought I would be here

Filling out paperwork with trembling hands

Trying to say the word “disabled” out loud


Oh those doctor appointments, approached with such hopes

Binders of research held close to my chest

You’ve done your homework, they said

Some listened, some made copies, some ignored me

The special doctor we drove six hours to see looked tired

Wiping his glasses, he asked me: “So, what do you want?” 


You’re kidding!

What do I want? 


I want you to FIX ME!!!

I want to sit through a movie

I want to eat at a restaurant.

I want to remember having fun


I want to do my old workout

I want to remember the dance steps

I want to play wii

I want my life back


What do I want?

I want to wear something sexy

I want to make love with my husband

I want to laugh again.

I want to live.


       – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – 

The doctor couldn’t help me with those things

But he checked the boxes and signed his name

and now I get paid

for being sick


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